Who am I with and without all these things?

I went from calling myself a freelancing entrepreneur to actually being one so quickly, my head is still spinning.

I’ve always felt that imposter syndrome with my writing, but nothing like this.

This time the pressure is really on, because I am not just performing to say that I can, I’m actually hired to a job – multiple jobs actually, and I don’t necessarily think I’m doing my best yet.

I’ve been working very hard and for so long to remove from my life the things that I feel are holding me back and getting in my way. Most of those things are actually people, and over the years they’ve been dropping like flies.

And now, on top of that, I’m losing some of my best friends – by which I mean, I am not kicking them out of my life, they are just leaving, they’re moving away, and I’m wondering what I will be left with here when they’re all gone.

I’ll make new friends, sure.

I’ll reconnect with old ones, double sure.

But I think for a while it’s going to be really quiet around here, more quiet than usual, really, and a part of me looks forward to it as much as I dread falling into some dark place, some lost dark place.

So, I try not to think about any of that at all.

This is fine, I tell myself.

I’m designing an entire brand and website for an amazing new non-profit.

I’m making money writing (it’s pennies but I don’t care, it’s happening).

I’m writing another NaNoWriMo novel and I’m feeling very lucky this year.

I’m not giving up on homeschooling.

I’m not giving up on homeschooling.

I’m not giving up on homeschooling. 

This is fine. This is just a rambly, anxiety-ridden post that shouldn’t be shared, but it’s that National Blog Posting Month, too, so. Things to do. Commitments to make. Words to write.

Blah.

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