What Did I Even Write Today?


I don’t even know what I wrote today, now that I think of it. I wrote in a blur, it took me like an hour to write almost two thousand words, that is freakish even for me, and I can write fairly fast.

I am not sure where I am going with this story, like I said before, but I think the middle is going to be harder than finding my way toward an end.

I’m coming up slowly on the 20K word slump that often happens to me during NaNoWriMo, and I don’t think I’m the only one this happens to, here…

For some reason, I get to 20K words and begin to question everything, so, I’d like to try to push past that this time.

I’d like to build some momentum, find my way, and get this story moving – my characters are doing things, but the story isn’t moving forward yet.

I don’t know if anything I wrote today was good or if it was all just fluff, but at least I got it done and I’m slightly ahead again for tomorrow.

In other news, this afternoon I watched the first episode of Dexter: New Blood and it was everything I have been hoping for since I heard they were resurrecting this show.

Dexter is one of my favorite shows, and I loved the way it ended – I won’t spoil anything, but… I’m glad for once that they’re bringing a show back.

I’m usually so eye-rolly about things being re-made or resurrected for new audiences, but this was a show that in my mind could have gone on for at least a few more seasons and not have gotten stale.

Have any of you watched this yet?

Joy Fuels Resilience


I came across this quote today and it hit me hard, the truth of it.

To do something like NaNoWriMo, to commit to writing a book in a month, or something you are maybe able to call a coherent first draft, is not something you do unless it brings you some joy, right?

Otherwise, I think you would be a little bit crazy.

I know I am going to have more days this month when I can’t or don’t write my daily word count goal, so therefore I also know that if I want to finish in time, I am going to have to really work hard and hustle some days to catch up and keep up.

But that’s okay, because the act of writing fiction really does bring me joy.

Why don’t I do it more often?

I mean, besides erotica, which is my business, why don’t I write more fiction to make myself happy, whether I think the stories are any good or not?

There’s joy in it, and I forget that in the months that aren’t November, April, and July, when NaNoWriMo holds their events.

I have to remember, when it’s harder to write, when I am feeling down and like I suck and nothing I write is worth anyone’s time reading – I have to remember that regardless of any of that, the act of writing still brings me joy.

To sit down at a computer and write, to make things up as I go along, there’s nothing I’d rather do with my life or my time.

Why don’t I do more of what brings me joy?

What is it that is holding myself back?

You Can Do The Thing

“I don’t care how much power, brilliance or energy you have, if you don’t harness it and focus it on a specific target, and hold it there you’re never going to accomplish as much as your ability warrants.”

– Zig Ziglar

I didn’t expect to be able to write today, I thought I was going to have to take another day off, and circumstances changed, and I am caught up – still.

I feel excellent about this.

The thing is, I am not really sure where I am going with this story – I have a vague idea of what I want my end to look like, and some stepping stones along the way, but in general, I am not sure how I am going to fill in the next 20,000 or so something words.

This is fine.

No plot, no problem as is the NaNoWriMo way.

I will keep pressing on day by day, and like I said yesterday, breaking a streak is not a failure, but I still feel a little badly about that and don’t want to do it (too much) again if I don’t have to.

But, life.


Being Behind Isn’t a Failure

You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don’t try to forget the mistakes, but you don’t dwell on it. You don’t let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space.

– Johnny Cash

I’m going to close the door on the past in the sense that I am going to forgive myself for not writing yesterday, for writing thousands of words today but still not being completely caught up. That’s okay, I tell myself. I will get there, I tell myself.

The sad thing is, I am not sure that I like what I am writing or if I know where I am going with it, really.

Romantic Adventure Erotica – that was my theme for the year, that is my theme for the year, I should say, I am not giving up on it yet, I just have written almost a thousand words and haven’t exactly come to any of those themes yet, so I am not sure what I have on my hands, but, certainly nothing that I will easily be able to publish.

I want to keep going this year, as hard as it gets and as lost as I may become along the way, I desperately want to finish this year, my ego needs it badly.

Because I did fail last year – I got a bit over 20 thousand words in and for some reason stopped, I don’t remember why, and it doesn’t matter now, it’s over and done with.

Onward, they say.

Exhale the Bullshit – Inhale the Good Shit

Sometimes you have to deal with some bullshit in your life that keeps you from doing the things you really want to to be doing, like writing, for instance.

Today I had to spend the day with a friend, and then my boyfriend came, and I didn’t get any work done on my NaNoWriMo novel today.

But that is okay.

It’s okay because this is just the beginning and there is plenty of time to catch up.

Sometimes, bullshit comes into your life.

Exhale that shit.

Inhale the good shit.

Tomorrow, we’ll write like motherfuckers.