shine anyway

you can be who you are

or

you can be the one
everyone else
wants you to be

when people
get to know you
that’s it

that’s all you are
the person they
came to know

so
are you allowed
to change?

are you allowed to
be the person you
want to be

and still
be the person they
think they know?

no one knows

we are
who we are

for ourselves
for our loves
and lovers

we varnish over
our unbearable shine
to stay safe

to stay
understood
and loved

you know
if you’re too special
if your shine
is too bright

well, then
you’re too much

just gorge, it’s fine

forget the number associated
with the size of your pants
for a month

don’t worry about things like
calories or fat content or
for god fucking sakes
whether something contains gluten

it’s the holidays,
you perfect, pudgy
little motherfucker

gorge on the homemade
cookies and fudge and
yeah it’s okay to have
christmas dinner with
more than one family

if you’re lucky enough
to have plenty
or even
just one

You are not saintly

i see you
i have always seen you
from the day you were born

that white skin
those eyes that are not
like my own

i see you
white, glowing
like an angel

but you
are not saintly

the crown you wear
is just for show
it’s not made of thorns

you will be no martyr
for goodness
or even
the slightest
bit of authenticity

you go on and
keep glowing

i see you


 

I’m writing a poem a day on WordPress. If you are enjoying these missives, please consider supporting my work, or even just buy me a cup of coffee to keep me going, it will be much appreciated.

 

Lately on Medium

I should really set myself a schedule of when to update here what I have been writing over there, but I’ve been posting pretty much daily over there just like I’ve been over here and wouldn’t I be a bad blog friend if I didn’t promote my shit everywhere?

In reverse chronological order:

When He Asks How Long I’ve Loved Him – which is actually something I wrote years and years ago about a man I haven’t seen in almost ten years now, but I suppose it’s worth a read if you want to get me a little more than you ever did before.

Oh, December, Here We Go – in which I talk about goals for the month

I keep finding more words for Love – which is a poem I never thought I’d write all these years later, but I haven’t gotten laid in a long time so I guess my mind keeps gravitating to the sex I USED to have and the people I used to have it with.

“Had I really succeeded in anything else” in which I ruminate even more, as I often do, about why I feel like an unemployable failure but also channel JK Rowling’s hopes and dreams and determination to let rock bottom bring her back up again

Sleep is Not for the Weak – in which I talk about how I keep nodding off like an old lady, and also depression

and finally,

A little story about depression and sleep and how they go so great together. a locked story for Medium members (though non-members can read 3 free stories a month) in which I talk again, even more, about how depression affects my sleep, and how I’ve been feeling about some things in general.

I’ve been writing in two places every day for a week and have felt better about myself than I have in ages even though I’ve also felt worse than I have in ages. I am not really sure how to reconcile that at the moment, but I am going to keep on typing, because when I do, everything else drifts away.

Want to help me make a living writing? Or maybe just buy me a cup of coffee? That would be sweet. Thanks for reading, always.