This Body Right Now

I don’t notice the space
my body takes
until I look down,
down to the
mounds of my breasts
and hills of
my stomach and
lean over to see my feet
and wonder:
how does anyone love this?

But I love this.
I love this body,
I love this
rather perfect skin i’m in.
I love each limb
and the way they move,
and my freckles and
the way my hair falls.

I love laying down
and snapping photos
of this naked body
and sharing them
to love and praise –
and I don’t care
how many
eyebrows I raise.

I don’t want to hide anymore,
don’t want to keep
myself locked inside anymore,
don’t want to apologize anymore,
don’t want to wake up
hating the reflection anymore.

Years of hate have
taken their toll,
I see the scars in every
dip and roll and wrinkle but
there are still stars in my eyes
and a smile that comes
out to play every day,
so, okay.

I’ll keep looking down.
I’ll keep looking…

6/365 – A Poem a Day For a Year

Too Much, Not Enough

I miss, you know
in the way that
I always want to be with you
or at least
be with you more,
spend more days together,
definitely more nights.

I miss you in this
gentle, quiet way.
Not desperately, not
so much that I will
whine and beg for you, but
there’s a girl inside my heart
who would beg for you,
and I’ve always
been scared of her.

I’ve always been scared
to be that small, needy girl
who’s always asking
for too much time,
too many kisses,
too much love.
I’ve always been
too much or not enough.

And even now,
when I finally have
a love I can believe in,
I worry:
Is this too much,
or not enough?

Maybe it’s
quality over quantity –
that’s what I tell myself.
They may be brief,
but our days are filled
with an amazing love
and how could that
be too much?
How could it not
be enough?

5/365 – A Poem a Day For a Year

Sometimes My Enemy

I will not let myself
be thwarted by you.

I will not slink away
or go quietly into the night.

It’s been four days now
and the pressure’s on high.

I don’t know
if I’m ever going to get this right.

And the liars all say
shut up, it’s not worth it

that it won’t matter in the end,
that it will all be for naught –

But I’ll cover my ears and
scream into the night

for as long as it takes,
and as far as sound will carry.

4/365 – A Poem a Day For a Year