Forlorn as all F…

Forlorn is the word of the day, and it seems appropriate for the mood I have been in lately.

Life is a topsy-turvy kind of thing, and sometimes you tumble and fall, and I feel like this one of those times when my life is just tumbling, tumbling, and I am totally out of control.

I can’t afford anymore to live alone, my lease is up soon and I can’t afford to both pay rent and heat the damn place, so it’s back to my parent’s house I go, for now, until I figure my shit out and get “back on my feet” as it were.

It feels like a huge failure to me – I mean, I’m sure it feels like a huge failure to other people when this happens, too, but I guess I am very lucky to have supportive parents who aren’t making me feel shitty about it – and also really good friends who aren’t making me feel shitty about it.

“Oh no, you haven’t failed, you just need help for a little while,” my friend Gina said, and she and her husband and kids have been living with her mom for years now while he goes to school full time.

Maybe it’s this day and age – it’s all about money – the LACK of it.

For my friends, it made no sense for both of them to work if they were going to have to pay for daycare for two children that weren’t even school age.

Do you have any idea how much infant childcare cost these days?

A little bit more than the full-time salary of a minimum wage job if you’re living in Connecticut.

The more I think of it, the more I think of people who have either “gone home” or who are just cohabitating with others to save money – old women who are unmarried, same with a lot of young men who are unmarried, pretty much all of my peers who aren’t married and living with each other.

Hardly anyone I know who is alone can support themselves alone anymore.

Isn’t that messed up?

It’s not just me. There’s a lot to be forlorn about when it comes to this situation, but I keep telling myself – it’s temporary.

And I’m not a failure for not being able to keep myself afloat.

And this is really, really going to suck for a while, but we’re going to be okay.